Tuesday, December 27, 2011


I can't even describe my main feeling that this year will be over.. maybe relief. It started off good.
found out I was having another baby and while we kept it a secret we were faced with
overwhelming stress. Our Maggie was in a car accident and died. To me it just wasn't possible. I spent most the day
talking with her over facebook. and then she was gone. she was like Brian's baby sister. I can't imagine losing two
people in my life in a cat accident.

I was able to finally tell people I was pregnant. But I started to feel sick. just not well in a way I didn't think was right. I had gestational diabetes, preeclampsia (again) and too much amniotic fluid. Payton was finally born only to find she needed to be in the NICU for 9 days and
step down for 4. Finally we get her home and Cole hits his head so hard that night. An ambulance ride and 5 stitches later. I was
scared this time he would have a head bleed. (he hit his head in July too and an ER trip there)
on my 35th birthday (10 days after the incident with Cole) I'm riding in an ambulance from an urgent care because
Caden oxygen level is only in the 80's! He had pneumonia and was breathing 60 min! he ended up on PICU! 5 days later he was home, but not after a lot of deals with God. the first night he was so bad I thought he was going to be intubated.
I finally thought it was over and then Grandma! something wasn't right! she was getting tired and weak. I brought her to the hospital and she was admitted. the next day she died! it was so sudden I don't know what happened, though I do know. I feel I don't understand it! Yes she was old but was fine and then just gone. my mom and I were with her when she died. Brian's grandfather hasn't been doing well as of late.
we have had a rough go of things. We had a good Christmas with just us and the kids. they are all healthy now and hopefully stay that way. hopefully the new year will mark a new begining of good things to come!

Payton Melissa was born on 9-19-11. Named for Walter Payton and my sister Melissa who died in a car accident.
she is doing so much better now! she is so beautiful and for 3 months old, very chatty and loves to smile. her smile is so amazing!
and her eyes! I am so much in love and so jealous of her and my sons for their beautiful eyes and long thick eyelashes!
I only pray for the best for all of them! they are truly the loves of my life! God has blessed me even through the stress I can see that!