Saturday, December 08, 2007

Pictures of the boys from the NICU to home!

Here are some pictures of our boys Caden and Cole.. Getting them to sit still is a challenge. Then having them both look the same way at you! It's still fun though!

They are adjusting well to being home and gaining weight like crazy. They are both over 7lbs. What is crazy about them, is that though I know they aren't identical, everything happening to them is the same. They are identical in every other way. Now that they are gaining weight, they are starting to look slightly different. You may not tell it in these pictures, but they both have the same eyes. Caden is just lazy and chooses not to open them as brightly all the time. (Especially when we are taking pictures) But they have the same big eyes. Brian gets irritated when I tell them I think Caden's eyes will be blue. He says there is no way to tell right now. But they are turning a blue-grey color at this time. Cole's still has me confused becasue sometimes I think they are blue, but them I think they are hazel like mine. And I think they are going to have curly hair. Brian finally realized it today when he saw the wavy curls in the back of Cadens head. As their hair gets a little longer, it is starting to curl up and get fuzzy (or frizzy!:) ) just like mine! So he may finally agree with me there. The funny thing is if you see a picture of me up to 1 year old, I didn't have curly hair. It was kind of straight and as it got longer, it got curlier! So the same thing may happen for them. Brian was worried about them being bald some day, but since boys get the bald gene from their mother, they should be alright with my family genes. My dad and grandfathers all had their hair. They all have/had pretty great thick hair too. Cole is starting to look more like Brian. For awhile I thouhgt Caden did, but as they are gaining weight in their faces, you may start to see the difference. Caden is looking more like me now. They are just so incredible! I love them to pieces! I'm going to write more and post more pics in the weeks to come. I want to tell you all of our experience from my labor to the NICU to coming home!
I hope you enjoyed the pictures. I enjoy taking them. It finally makes me feel like we have something normal going after all those weeks of uncertainty. Nothing was normal for us and people I don't think really understood that. It's important for me to get to do normal things like send out pictures and stuff. I finally am really getting to enjoy being a mom the normal way..

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Welcome our sons, Caden Noah and Cole Grady, to the world!

Since 10/2, I've been in the hosptial. I went into labor for a second time and had to be hospitalized. This time because of being in labor a 2nd time and an onset of mild pre-eclampsia (a.k.a. toxemia) my doctor said I would stay till I deliever. We decided that if my toxemia didn't get worse and I didn't go into labor, that we would deliever the boys at 36 weeks. My sister asked me, "What if they are born on Dad's birthday?" I told her that would be funny, but I don't want to have them born that early. I wanted them to stay in until 36 weeks. On Monday 10/15th I had an ultrasound that said my cervix was now only 17mm. (It was 23 mm when I went into labor the first time) On Tuesday 10/16, I noticed blood when I wiped. Right after that I called my dad and told him that I had a feeling that that boys would be born the next day. (Which was my dad's birthday) The 16th went alright for the rest of the day. Brian just got home from a meeting in Houston Texas. He came right to the hospital so we could be together to watch the Indians game. We were together watching the Indians game when I got this really weird pain on my right side. It felt like one of the boys was trying to stick his foot or fist into my appendix all the way through to my kidney! It just hurt. I couldn't get comfy! Brian was rubbing the area for me. ONce my nurse came in, I told her what was happening. (The indians were in the 5th inning beating the Red Sox) She hooked me up to the monitor and called the doctor on call. We found that I was in labor again but my cervix was still 17mm. I went downstairs again ! I knew this time that the docs weren't going to do anything to stop labor. My doctor told me once I hit 32 weeks, if it happened, she would let it happen. WEll I was 32 weeks and 5 days at this point. The next morning, my doctor came in and checked my cervix. According to the 2 residents that were caring for me, my cervix didn't change. (They were really gentle!) WHen she came in, she just shoved her hand there and went for the gold. It started a contraction and she said that was dilated 4cm at that point with the contraction. At this point she gave me a choice. The choice was, if the boys were in the correct position, did I want to progress with regular labor? I said I did. I knew that being pre-mature would work against the boys. Going the natural way would help their lungs a little bit by helping push any fluid in their lungs out through the birth canal. Then she would just let labor progress normally with me. But the ultrasound revealed that they weren't in a good postion to be born vagnially! NUTS! So it was to be a c-section and within the half hour, I was being prepped with an epidural/spinal (which I totally suggest! It gives you the best of both!) I was terrified and Brian couldn't be in the room while I was being prepped! I wanted to cry and I was scared. Not just for me, but for the boys. I felt a little overwhelmed. My nurse stayed with me. ANd thought I didn't know her well, she told me that she knows that if she was in my position, she would want me to stay with her. (She knew I was a nurse) So she held my shoulders and rubbed my arm while they placed the epidural. After they prepped me, Brian was allowed in. He looked so cute in his 3XL scrubs! They were so big my mom had to tape them on to him! SO FUNNY!!! Brian watched the whole thing. He even saw my uterus sitting on the outside of my abdomen! He was trying to tell me about it, but it just freaked me out. Who wants to know their husband can see their uterus literally! The boys were out within 20 minutes. Cole Grady Whittaker was out first weighing 5lbs and he was 18 and 1/4 inches. 1 minute later Caden Noah Whittaker was out. He was 4lbs and 8oz. He was also 18 inches. Brian got to hold them each for about 30 seconds then they were wisked away to the NICU with difficulties breathing. I couldn't hold them because I was in the middle of having them deliever the placenta! Once they were done I couldn't see them right away. I had to still recieve more magnesium because of my high blood pressures and toxemia. I had to take it for 12 hours. SO I couldn't see the boys for 12 hours. The boys were born on October 17th and they ended up sharing their Grandfathers birthday just like Aunt Christy said. At 1am on the 18th, I got to see my boys. I'm not sure what happened, but after a few minutes I got sick and threw up. I could've attributed it to not getting out of bed for 12-13 hours. The magnesium, medications of any kind. I was wondering also if it was my nerves of seeing them in the NICU. Who wants to see those babies in the NICU after trying for 3 weeks to stay in bed so they wouldn't come out and they wouldn't need to be there.
This morning I went and got really sick feeling. I"m not sure what that was about, but I just didn't feel well at all. I started to think it was my nerves. Now that I think I confronted this issues, I feel better. My stomach hurts as does my shoulder. I'm doing good though. My biggest concern is my sons! I"M A MOM!!! They are so cute. They have this dark hair. We have pictures, but the only ones available at this point are the ones Brian's mom took and they just really don't do the boys justice! They are fighters and I can't wait to get them home! I can't imagine loving someone so much. I mean I love Brian and I can't believe how blessed I am to have him and how much I love him. It amazes me to how much I love him! But not these 2 little guys that will depend on us. Iknow he loves them as much as I do! They are just precious! I'm going to go to bed. I have to pump to get something for the little guys in the NICU. I should be here a few more days I think. I'm so tired, I'm falling asleep writing this! GOOD NIGHT!!

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Babies are trying to get out!

By now most of you know I'm pregnant with twin boys. It's not something I've talked about much on here. But I'm now on strict bedrest. Monday the 9/24 marked 10 years since my youngest sister died. It was also the day I had an ultrasound appointment. And it was also my 2 year anniversary! Anyway, I ended up being hospitalized because my cervix was shortened and I was in preterm labor. They admitted me to labor and delievery. That was scary enough because they were preparing in case the babies came out. I was only 29 and half weeks along at this point. They gave me magnesium sulfate to stop the contractions I was having. THAT IS THE WORST! I give it to my patients in low doses to replace electrolytes. They were giving me high doses and fast to stop the contractions. The bolus dose they gave me.. HOLY SHIT!!! I felt flushed.. my entire body was on fire. My mom was putting cold cloths on me and trying to keep me cool until the inital big dose was done. I felt lethargic. I think if I had ever really done some drugs it would've felt like the same thing. NOT A GOOD FEELING!!! After almost a full day on the drug, the contractions slowed and they took me off the magnesium and monitors and I went upstairs to rest for the next 2 days. I could only get up to go to the bathroom. Occassionally I would go out and walk to get water which they didn't want me to do. But it didn't seem too far and I wanted to stretch my legs. Now I'm at home on complete bedrest with babysitters! I'm not suppose to do anything but go to the bathroom. Not even cook or clean. (Finally:) Now I just have to try and find some more baby sitters for myself for the week!:)
I'm tired and going to go take a nap now! I have to rest and cook these guys just a little longer. They are already grounded when they come out for scarying me the way they did!
Sucks to start off life grounded right out of the womb! HAHAHA!

Friday, August 31, 2007

The night Missy died......

I have never told too many people this exact story of the few days when my sister died and he days that followed. People have heard it or knew bits and pieces of it. About a month ago I was telling my friend Linda the story of what it was like just at the hospital for me. I started to cry and felt like an idoit. I don't even know if I ever really even described it to Brian. I kind of got lost in the memory when talking to Linda. Then sitting here listening to "Sister" by The Nixons, I thought I should tell the story. SHe has been gone 10 years now and maybe it's time people know what it was like for me and my family really.
September 23rd, 1997
I came home for a few minutes that night right around 3 or 4 pm. I had been living with my boyfriend Will, but things between us weren't that great and I felt that I need to focus on my family and school since I wasn't doing either. That summer I found out I had a begnin brain tumor, but for awhile there we weren't sure if it was cancer. It turned out to not be cancer. But during this time, I thought of all the things I wanted to do and what was important and moved back home. Anyway, when I got home that afternoon, Missy was on the back porch smoking a cigarette and holding her new kitten FeeBee. Yeah she smoked just like my other sister and my parents knew. My mom didn't like it, but my dad said it was alright so how do you win when parents are against each other.
Anyway, I told Missy I was leaving. I was going to pick up my friend Nicole for her softball game and take her there. Part of the reason I really wanted to go to the game was to see my ex boyfriend Jim. I know I was with WIll, but part of me had always loved Jim. Never stopped really and I just wanted to see him. So I said good bye to Missy and told her I loved her and I would see her later. That night we got to the game, Jim was there, but he wouldn't say hi to me. ( I found out later why) I was hurt, but what could I really do. I was still with Will though I knew it was pretty close to being over. Nicole and I sat in my car after the game talking to 2 guys she knew. One of them started playing with the angel on my dashboard and I told them that Missy had gotten it for me a few days earlier. I thought of her and decided I needed to get home. It was probably around 8:45 then. I dropped Nicole off. When I got home I found this "craft" kitty. It was a potppori (spelling?) kitty that Missy had made. She gave it to Nicole the night before but Nicole forgot it. Missy told Nicole that that was the last "free" kitty she was going to give away. I took the kitty and inspected it some more. I already had one but these were the cutest thing. Missy was planning on teaching me how to make them later that week. We just needed to buy more stuff. SHe always made fun of me becaue I was craft handicapped. I thought about how nice the kitty was and how proud I was of Missy. I decided that when she got home that I would tell her just how proud of her I was. Right after I thought that, the phone rang. It was a nurse at the ER asking me for my mom. I told her she was at work and gave her the number. The nurse told me Missy had been in an accident. I thought for one minute that it was 10 pm and late and I wasn't going to go to the hospital. Missy was in an accident the year before and she was fine then. I thought she would be fine again. But for some reason I thought, "Nah, I'll go and support her. She is probably really upset." So I went and as I drove, I started to feel more panic inside. Like something was really wrong. Then I thought to myself I was being a drama queen!
You see Missy had been working at the local deli and afterwards left with her boyfriend Jimmy to go to his house. As he drove, he blacked out from too much insulin he had taken early. He didn't eat much to balance out the dose he gave himself. They hit a car head on. EMT's said Missy's body was leaned over towards the driver seat. SHe didn't have a seatbelt on, but they weren't sure if she had taken it off to get control of the car just before impact. There is too much that isn't known!
When I got to the ER my mom was at the counter crying with her friend from work, Rita. No one has really told her much at that point and they wouldn't let my mom see Missy. I started to freak myself inside. Not on the outside like my mom, but inside I was freaking out. A nurse took my mom and me to a private room with security. I thought to myself, "Shit, this is bad!" The nurse tried to explain what was going on. Really the doctor should've been doing that. But it was the nurse trying to. My mom and Iwere sitting as the nurse told us that my sisters neck was broken and that she had a lot of internal injuries and that she couldn't breath without a vent etc. I can't remember it all exactly. How easy it is to talk to someone in shock (me) and someone who was hysterical. I just knew what she was trying to get at. And I remember looking at my mom who was just screaming not hearing anything the nurse was saying anymore. My mom was doubled over. The nurse was trying to ask us if we wanted to keep her on life support or take her off because there wasn't much they could do and that she was basically dead. She had been without oxygen for about 20 minutes as EMT's tried to cut her out of the car. They got her heart working again, but because where her neck was broke, she could never breath on her own and she would never wake up. They were trying to ask us if we wanted her to be an organ donor. But all my mom could do was scream and I sat there in shock. We wanted to see her. So they took us to see her. As we crossed the hallway to see her, my dad was being let in. My mom's friend Rita and I were holding my mom up to walk as we crossed the hall when my dad saw us and I saw him. I had been crying. He took one look at my face and turned around and walked right out because I guess the look on my face said it all for him. He knew just by looking at me and seeing that my mom couldn't walk that it was really bad.
We got to the room with Missy in it. She had a neck brace on and breathing tube coming out of her mouth. Her clothes had been cut away. I asked the nurse for a priest right away. My mom couldn't go near her. She sat in a corner screaming as Rita tried to hold her. I sat next to Missy. Her hair had been braided on either side just like I last saw it on the back porch. There was blood coming from her ears, her nose, her mouth. Her lips were swollen where they had tied the tube in her mouth. She had blood in her hair and a gash on her chin. (Her chin hit the dashboard which was what broke her neck) She had a warming blanket on her because they couldn't keep her temp up.
My dad came back in the room and was weird. Zombie like almost saying things I can't remember, but just that they were weird. I told the nurse we wanted to donate her organs and had to explain to my mom that was the only choice right now. My mom didn't understand much of anything at this time. So I made her sign for it and I signed for everything else. I sat with my sister stroking her face and her hair talking to her, telling her how much we loved her as we waited for the priest to come. No one could get a hold of my sister Christy to tell her. We kept trying. I called Will, by now it was midnight or 11pm I think. I was screaming on the phone saying that she was dead. Finally I got the story out and Will met me at my parents. As I walked through the ER I saw Missy and Jim's friend Doug in a room through glass in the door. He was with 2 people I've never seen before. I walked in and addressed Doug. I told Doug what happened. The 2 people in the room started crying.. the woman was sobbing so hard and the man next to her was holding her. It was Jim's parents. I sat on Dougs lap as we cried together.

The Life Flight helicopter came and took Missy to Metro where they would take her organs. We went home and started to call people. But once we got home, Metro called and said they couldn't declare her dead. For a minute we had hope. But it turned out because they couldn't declare her brain dead, we had to go and sign more papers. It was now 12:30am. Will was there. My dad found my sister and her friend Teresa. We went to Metro together taking 3 seperate cars. Christy wanted to see her. As did I one more time. My parents signed the papers and they let us sit with her. They couldn't take all of her organs because she had been down and cold too long. They couldn't heat her body right. So they turned up the morphine and we sat with her as her heart rate slowed to zero. Up to that point I had been the cool smart one.When that number hit zero, I ran out of the room screaming into Will's arms. I couldn't take it. I couldn't do anything to protect my little sister. By then it was around 4:30am, Sept. 24th. . We left to take the hour drive home, but I couldn't sleep once I got there. 7am is when Perry started high school then. I thought I should go to the school and talk to the office in person. On the way to the school I drove past Missy's oldest friends house, Tiffany. I saw her mom Holly out front and decided to stop. Holly seemed surprise to see me. I was alone. I got out of the car and I think she knew something was wrong. I told her Missy had died a few hours earlier and that I was going to the school to talk to the office. They had Tiffany come out and we told her. She started to scream not believing it. Holly decided to go with me to the school to talk to the principal. She was upset. They had lived down the street from us all our lives and knew Missy and us well.
I talked to Mr. Sater the Vice Principal when I got there and told him what happened. Tiffany went too and found her friends right away and told them all. While I was in his office, kids, started pouring into the office area, crying and screaming. They wanted to go home, they were calling their parents. Some of them wanted to be by me. Many of her classmates saw me there and I held them and comforted them. It was helping me a bit too. I left a little while later to get home to find already 20 some kids at our house. We were tired, but we didn't mind the company at all. We started getting phone calls to our house. Newspaper and a newscrew came by. My sister-in-law was there. I had forget that we never called my brother that night. My dad told him that morning while I was gone and my brother took off. No one knew where he was. He later told us he went to a park and cried and smoked a joint. We were getting a lot of calls. One of them was Jim, my ex, calling to apologize for how he behaved towards me the night before and to explain why. I told him Missy died and that I forgave him. He was so quiet. He called back a few mintues later wanting to know what he could do and when services were.
My mom's friend Philomena came over with Ativan from the doctor for my mom. She wanted us to take it that night, but I couldn't. I had to keep going. We went to the funeral home and made arrangements. My mom's friends bought the cemetery plot. I picked out her clothes that she would wear.
The thing about the accident was that Missy was with her boyfriend. He had (has) diabetes. He blacked out behind the wheel. He was still at the hosptial. Me and Christy decided to go up to the hospital because we knew that someone would tell him. We needed to see him, to know what happened. Christy and I got there with Will. We walked in the room and Jim was crying. His dad was in there crying too. They had just told him a little before we got there that Missy died. So we sat on his bed and the 3 of us held each other and cried. It has been hard on us and was hard on us, but I honestly couldn't imagine being in his shoes knowing his actions lead to someone dying even if it was an accident. We know he didn't do it on purpose. . How hard it must be for him! We didn't want him to feel abandoned. One could never imagine the pain he must feel. Our pain is great, but he has guilt on top of it.
The next day it was in the paper with her picture. It was on the news later that night. Missy's Jimmy was let go from the hosptial and stayed with us that evening to watch the news report. Nicole, Chad and Brian were there. I was surprised that Brian was there. We really weren't' friends. I think he was there more for Nicole and Chad's support as they tried to support me. My mom looked horrible in the interview on the news and of course they took things out of text as they always do. My grandmother arrived to make it more difficult. She was focused on all these dumb things and I ended up going off on her on many occassions that week. Again I stayed up and tried to put together things for the funeral. My mom wasn't functioning at all. So for the 2nd night in a row I didn't sleep. Around midnight a knock came at the door and my friend Tom came and sat with me a bit while I went through pictures to use for her funeral. The next day seemed like work as flowers and food and well wishers came by. Again we didn't mind this. It helped that we were feeling an overflow of love during this time. I spent a lot of time trying to run around to get everything. I realized that it had to be the most beautiful several days. ANd every year since it has been beautiful. That is why brian and I got married that same day she died 8 years later. Not to just honor her, but because we knew it would be beautiful.
We got to the funeral home for calling hours around 1pm. We wanted an hour with her before others came. When we saw her, she looked so bad that I didn't want my mom to see, but she did. We decided that we had to close her casket so her friends wouldn't see. It just didn’t look like her. Jim, my ex, arrived to be there for me. He held me in his arms for quite a while. With Will looking on I didn't care, I whispered to Jim that I still loved him and I need him to know that incase I never got to tell him again. The tumor scare I had and losing Missy made me realize how important it is to tells those we love how we feel. I had been wanting to tell him for almost 2 years and I didn't. He told me he still loved me. He stayed around as much as he could for me. I knew it was over for me and Will, but I couldn't stand breaking up with someone quite yet. I even thought it would make our relationship stronger. But it didn't! It fell apart. Will was in pain remembering his mother dying. I thought he would understand me better than anyone, but he didn't. He has always suppressed his feelings. I think he thought I should do the same. Jim, I think tried to help me by distracting me a bit. He and Missy had a hard history that only a few weeks before she died she told me that she really had liked him. She always thought that he was too arrogant! He did act that way at times, but to people he didnt know. He has a huge heart of gold once you get to know him! He is an amazing guy! I got so confused at this time because as much as I cared for Will, I still loved Jim. And to add to the confusion, Brian came into my life, being this really great friend and support I needed. Within a 2 weeks period I left Will because Jim had kissed me one night. I stopped him only because I didn't want to cheat on Will and have Jim think that I would do the same to him. I think Jim misunderstood why I stopped him because he left quickly after that. I broke up with Will that night in hopes that that kiss meant Jim wanted me back. But Jim never called. And I'm not sure why I never called him. My sister and at this point,grandmother just died. I was so confused with everything. I didn't hear from Jim for 2 weeks and during that time Brian showed his interest in me. Brian was being so incredible by helping me keep up in school and seeing that we all were doing things together to get me by this. It was easy to have feelings for him more than a friend. Even if I still wanted Jim. I ended up with Brian. I thought that Jim wasn't ready for all that I wanted to share with him yet anyway. I thought we were still too young and he probably still wasn't ready to settle down with me for the rest of my life, which is what I wanted with him. Jim was an amazing guy to me. Not my first boyfriend, but the first person I ever really loved and who taught me what love really was. I never thought that Brian and I would last so long. I did think at some point I would still end up with Jim, but Brian and I ended up with this incredible bond that has only gotten stronger over time. Which is why I ended up marrying him. He was my best friend. He is my best friend! ANd I adore him so much. As much as I had loved Jim, I think I ended up with the person that was best for me.
I felt after time that this was God's way of maybe making up for taking my sister, by not giving me what I had wanted, but giving me the person I would need in my life. This is one of the reasons why I wanted to get married on the anniversary of when Missy died. I felt that Brian was a gift to me to help me deal with her loss. I've gotten so much happiness and have lived so much life with him. He helped me do the things I have wanted to accomplish before I die myself.

Anyway, the funeral home was packed full of people. It meant so much to us. During the evening I took a break and went outside. I saw Missy's friend Mike, sitting on the ground in the parking lot crying. I sat on the ground with him and held him and craddled him, rocking him back and forth. He had a hard time with Missy dying. He had a hard time with other things in his life and 6 months after Missy died, he killed himself. He was a really sweet kid. Missy had touched so many people, and it meant so much to see that love she gave being shown back to us through the community.
The day of her funeral was so beautiful. The most beautiful warm day ever I think. At the church I gave a euology. It was hard, but I focused on her casket and my love for her. I saw Jim sitting with Robert, my mom's boyfriend and I pulled strength from seeing him there. I loved my sister and this was my last way to show it to her and the world. I planned the whole ceremony. 2 of Missy's friends read a poem at her funeral. It was hard knowing that soon, this was the end of it all.
We left the church to go to the cemetery and the Perry Police Department lead the way for us. THey all knew her. She worked in the local deli. They all knew us as well. It was a touching processional. As my sisters friends placed flowers on her coffin to say good bye, I stood and watched. I couldn't cry anymore. Jim was standing next to me. Then right in front of me, the funeral director walked in front of me and tripped over the corner of the railing that was holding my sister's casket. I started to giggle because I felt like that was her way of saying goodbye. Something to make eveyone laugh. Which is always what she loved to do, make people laugh. Her friends looked at me I think to lead, because they were shocked, then they saw me laughing and they knew it was alright to giggle too! I started to cry while laughing, but it was something I needed.
That wasn't it though. That night, me, Dana, Alessa, Will, Jim, Christy and her boyfriend at the time (I don't even know that guys name) went to Friday's. Then at 11pm we all went up to the cemetery. Missy's funeral was the day of Perry's homecoming. Her friends didn't want her to spend the first night in the cemetery alone, so after the dance, I would say a good 100 kids went to the cemetery. So did me and everyone who went to eat with us at Friday's. It meant so much to see how her friends loved it and it touched us that they didn't want her to be alone that night, buried in the ground. Jim, tried to cast his head lights over te grave by turning his car to face it and accidentally ran over top of a grave! There was no damage to it, his car was just over it. But it made me laugh. Missy's boyfriend Jimmy was there too with his friends and his brothers and sisters. Over the next few weeks, people were stopping over and checking on us.
I had a good support with Will, but not what I really needed. I had Nicole, Chad, Dana, Jim and Brian and other good friends. My family tried to support Missy's boyfriend Jim the best we could. But the lawsuit got in the way of that relationship. I wish it didn't have to. You know it is hard to get over the loss of someone you love no matter how much time goes by or how well you deal with it. The pain never goes away and some people can be insensitive and just not understand that. People have said, "Why don't you just get over it? It was a long time ago! " Tell me how would they or even you feel if someone was ripped from your life without warning. You don't really get to say good bye or say all the things you wanted to say to them. I was lucky because I did get to tell Missy what she meant to me the night before the accident when we were standing in the kitchen wtih my friend Nicole. Nicole I know remembers the conversation. What if you don't get to say those things? What if your last images of someone is how I described Missy laying in the hospital room? What if it was like my brother's last images of someone lying in a coffin that doesn't even look like your sister? It's a pain no one can describe unless you go through it yourself. It's sad to think other people have gone through what I have.
I feel her with me at times. But that isn't enough. I miss her so much! I know I'm suppose to take comfort in the idea that she is watching over me, but that doesn't always help. I want her here! Selfish I know. God wants her with him. How unfair to me though. I just wish I could've gotten more time with her. She was my best friend , not just my sister. I love you missy!

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Frank's party

Brian, Scott, Tony, Amber and I had a party for our friend Frank. He is leaving for Arizona and we will miss him a lot. I stole some pics from him because I didn't take my own like a loser:)

Monday, July 23, 2007

HARRY POTTER! The wait is over!!

Now that Daniel Radcliffe is of age, I don't feel like such a perv thinking he is hot! Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix came out finally! This is only book 5 so I have 2 more movies to go! I thought it was a really great movie! But being the Harry Potter fan that I am, I feel that they left out some very impotant things and switched the story line a bit. YOu have to read the book or I feel you are missing something in the movie. Since I read the book, I knew what I was missing, but still very much enjoyed seeing it up on the screen, the things I've seen in my head! It was darker, more grown up and great! I think these movie peeps need to realize that as much as Harry Potter fans that we are, we will sit through a 3 hour movie. There is nothing wrong with making the movies longer!!!! Think of that for the last 2 movies please!!
Now to the release of Deathly Hallows. That book off the bat had me crying. It was amazing! It took a bit to get comfortable with how different the story was going to be from the other 6 books. J.K. had a pattern in the other books. Start off with the Dursley's and end up at Hogwarts. If you don't want me to ruin some of it for you, stop reading now otherwise continue!:) They don't return to Hogwarts and go off on the adventure that Dumbledore gave Harry. So the book had them on the run from Voldemort and the Death Eaters. It was really great writing.. Very much more adult than before. It alsmot seems like more "time" has passed from book 6 to book 7 with the situations they have to deal with.. Harry had always been really gutsy, but this book he seems to be full of BALLS! And Neville truely found more courage and he was incredible in the few pages he was in. It's just so sad who has to die in the book. It isn't just 2 people... it's quite a few which is why I was crying so much as I was reading it. I won't tell you who died, but it really bought out a lot of emotion of what these terrible times bought to Harry's world. I felt deeply for Harry's pain, but he kept having to move on to get his job done. I suggest if you want to get into Harry Potter, read all the books first, then watch the films. The 6th film won't come out till the end of next year, which is extremely annoying to me! But what can I do!
I can't wait for my 2 boys to be born so I can get them into Harry Potter too!:)

Thursday, June 21, 2007

How boring am I lately?

I haven't written on my blog in some time. I guess that is what happens when you are tired all the time.:) We moved into our new house! I love it, but even after almost 2 months, we still aren't unpacked. I'm not sure if it is pure laziness, or we are just too busy with other stuff. In Brian's case, he is busy with other stuff. In my case, I'm so tired anymore that I when I get home from work, I just want to put my feet up and veg! I guess carrying 2 babies is a lot of work! :) In the last 2 weeks, my stomach has really popped out. I look pregnant alright. My asthma doctor told me that I look 6 months pregnant. I'm only 16 weeks. Then Shelly, my boss, reminds me that "You are carrying TWO!" I watched this program last night. I'm not sure what channel it was on, but it was called, "In the Womb- Mulitples" So it talked about how multiples develop. It goes through what they go through from conception all the way to birth. It shows how around 16 weeks the twins (triplets or quads) become aware of each other as they fight for space! It was so cool to watch! Hopefully July 13th I'll find out the sex of both. I just hope they aren't too shy to show us. Yes I hope for one of each, but I'll take whatever I get. Brian feels if we can't have one of each then he wants 2 girls first! I think he will treat them like little princesses! My mom's boyfriend hopes for 2 boys. He said he's had enough estrogen with my sisters, my mom, me and Nikya to last forever:) He said we need some testosterone in our family! I'll be happy with whatever I get!
Well, I'm going to try and be productive today. I think I may go to the grocery store! How exciting! (not really!) There is one thing I'm happy about! Our air conditioning is finally working! Well, I've got to go get ready! YEah I know it is 2:30pm on a Thrusday! I've had a lazy day today! I deserve it!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007


I saw on today that they finally have the full 2 minute trailer of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix! The teaser trailer did nothing for me. I was so excited that for the last half hour I've watched it over and over! Yeah, that makes me a bit of a geek, but who cares!! I love the Harry Potter movies and books! It comes out on July 13th! I can't wait that long!! Another 2 months and 2 weeks! AUGH! You should go watch the trailer though.

In other news.. Brian and I close on our house this weekend and get to move in! I"m so excited to be getting out of this apartment living next to the SHIT queen and all!! (This lady does not pick up her 2 dogs crap and there about 80 piles out in front... even on her sidewalk, on the publid driveway, I've already complained 2 times which will just get me into another rant!)
Anyway, tomorrow we do the new owners walk through!!
Brian and I are going on a date tonight!! Dinner and a movie!! Hopefully I can catch the new Harry Potter trailer again!!!

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Smoosh's 5th birthday!:)

Smoosh turned 5 in March! What a cute little guy!! Kootie is seen here looking out the window waiting for Daddy to get home!

Coming along! Our house!

Our house is coming along! Only about 2 more weeks and we get to move in!! YEAH!!!!


It was a really cold and snowy opening day for the Indians this year! The game was delayed due to white out conditions. Once it did start it was delayed 2 more times in the middle of play because one couldn't just see. We finally made it to the 4th inning after almost 2 hours. We were one stike away from getting the 3rd out and Mike Hargrove comes out complaining that his batter can't see and they called the game! It would've been an offical game it one more strike was thrown!! AUGH!! I felt ripped off a bit! I lost feeling in my toes and hands because a baseball player that I can see batting way out in outfield, who makes millions of dollars can't see the ball! I could see it and it wasn't being pitched to me!! At least I got to see Grady!! I think pretty much the whole opening weekend is going to be cancelled!! A lot of snow this weekend and really cold!!!! During one of the delays this guy runs out onto the field. He's being chased by the cops. He quickly lays down and makes a snow angel in outfield gets back up and tries to run some more. He is caught and arrested. Though I don't suggest anyone being stupid and doing this.. it did make the money I spent worth it just to see that idoit do that!!!!

Here are some fun pics!!

Sunday, March 18, 2007

KIMBLEN- we'll miss you!

I worked with Kimblen for the last 5-6 years at the hospital. A few weeks ago while at work she became short of breath and was sent to the ER and then admitted with pneumonia. After that I have bits and pieces of the story. Kim went home and then ended up being re-admitted.. that night she ended up in the ICU with difficulty breathing. She died last night in the unit. She was a funny woman who you were either cool with or you weren't. And she would let you know if you weren't. That is why she cracked me up all the time:) She was fun to work with. I got the news this morning talking to a co-worker on the phone. I was surprised and at the same time, I think I preparing for it because from things we were hearing, it didn't sound like the outcome would be good.
She will be missed greatly and all of my prayers go with her family!
I'll see if I can find a picture of her and possibly post it soon!!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007


I just wanted to update you on our house!! It's getting there.. Should be done in the next 6 weeks! OH I can't wait! I hate this apartment! It's tiny and not to mention my neighbor doesn't pick up her dog shit! There is about 80 piles out there. I'm not even exaggerating!! It's crazy!! Ask brian!! She's a pig! Honestly!!

Anyway, back to our house! I drove by it on my way home! (I've had a tummy virus for the last few days so i came home to do some office work at home) Anyway, the builders have the brick on front of the house and another team looked like it was putting up the garage door! It is really coming together. I'm so far happy with our builders Ryan Home! I'll keep you updated on their work!:)

Here are some pics! Not of today, but of the last 2 weeks!