Hard week

I've had a pretty emotional week. I've been good about all that has happened. But it is some pretty depressing stuff. I had an earlier post this week where I mentioned a patient my age and his mom. He died that night. I found out when I came into work on Tuesday. It blows big time. Then I found out that a primary patient of mine who was pretty dependant on me and my co-worker Linda, died the same day. I didn't think it would happen so fast. Then I had a patient who's daughters I went to high school with. He died this past week. Then I found out that another primary patient of mine has relapsed. I tried hard not to shed a tear when talking to her on the phone. It was too hard not to though. I had to go into the conference room and take some deep breaths. She is 2 years younger than me. I went through her first treatment with her and she has been doing good for the last year. I was afraid if I started to cry that it would just keep coming. It seems like there is a point in every year that we get a lot of patients that we have all cared for die with in a short span of time. I think 2 years ago in one month we had 14 die. The patients weren't all in the hospital together. THey were taken care of at different times within a few years period. But it all bunches together. It's hard to be strong sometimes for these people, but I know it is more important for us to be there for them. I think we have a special group of people working on our floor. We deal with a lot of heartbreaking work. But it can be amazing when you see somene succeed. I have some patients that I have cared for that seem to be doing so well right now. They are healthy and living great lives! I'm so happy when I see them. It reminds me that there is still hope and maybe a chance for some sort of cure! I'm grateful for them. There is always hope no matter how bad things are.